Smile Again

I sit here thinking about all the times we had

All our laughter and tears and memories

Now those are all I have

I still see you in the back of my mind

And I still cry for you all the time

~Chorus~

Sometimes it feels like the end of everything 

And the weight of the world is crashing down on me

Normal no longer feels as it should be

And I know that where you are, you're smiling

One day I'll see your face again

And I'll be able to smile again

For now I know I have to live with all this pain

And I have to fight against it for so many years

Many sleepless nights of crying my grief away

Why did this have to be you? Why did you have to like this?

~Chorus~

Now we can all stay strong together

Having all these things to remind us of you

It's been all this time and we're still crying

We need to see your smile again

~Chorus~

These memories of you have me smiling again

Here's another song for Virginia. Enjoy :)

And Here Comes the 18th

So it's April 18.

Now for some people that may not be a big deal. For some people it may be a birthday or wedding anniversary. What is it for me? Well it tells me that it has been seven months since Virginia died. 

Now I know that I'm not the only one who stops and thinks about her more than usual on the 18th of every month.  It always seems to be the hardest for me emotionally on the 18th and 19th.  One thing I've started doing ever since she died is this: instead of counting the exact number of days and saying, "It's been this many days since I saw her last" I say "I'm one day closer to seeing not only heaven and my Savior, but also Virginia. I'm one day closer."  And it may seem strange to you that I do that.  But it helps me remember that this isn't the end. Life continues on after death and it's far better than life now. Not only do we get to spend the rest of eternity with our Creator, but our bodies are perfected and there is no more pain, sorrow, and suffering.  So yeah, I tell myself I'm a day closer because it brings me joy and hope to know that there is something better waiting for me.

So even though I always get really sad on the 18th, it also reminds me that it can only get better from this point.

Everyday we are one day closer, and for all we know, everyday could be our last day. So let's make it count. Life is a vapor. Don't waste it.

"Lead me to the Cross"

So I've seen a lot of death happen within the past year and a half. More than I would have liked too.


Cole Ellis, Hannah Ridling, Virginia Jacks, Mrs. Tricia, and Mr. Hopson. 


I personally only knew Virginia and Tricia, but from what I hear, the other three were amazing people.  Death has been making me think a lot about how short life can be. It isn't really even our life.  We don't know when our last day could be: it could be tomorrow, it could be next year, it could be that we die of old age. None of us really know.


Death also makes me think about what I'm doing with my life. If I'm not garunteed tomorrow, then shouldn't I live today as if it was my last? Yes. But how do I do that?


Well, one way is I can give my life away to others. It's not really mine anyway, not truly. We don't have control over when we come into this world or when we leave it. We should devote ourselves to serving and blessing others (which isn't easy, of course.)  This also makes me think about what my mind is set on right now. Is it set on things of the flesh or things of the Spirit?  We should hunger for holiness. It must be an active pursuit. 1 Timothy 4:7 says, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly." We are called by Christ to be godly.  There are two definitions of godly. One is this: "conforming to the laws and wishes of God; devout; pious."  This is a daily struggle a lot of Christians have. Can people look at our lives and KNOW that there is something different about us? Can they see that we have something they don't have? Are we lifting His name on high or are we dragging it through the mud?


We are called to hate our sin. "We should hate what put our Savior on the cross!" -Adam Coppock.  We should remember that every little sin we do, whether it's gossip, slander, lying, stealing, whatever...we should remember that it was THAT sin that sent Christ to the cross to die. How convicting!


We shouldn't fear death. If we are believers in Christ, then we should know that for us, it can only get BETTER.  When we die, we go to heaven and our bodies are perfected. We shouldn't fear death and we should long for heaven. After all, that should be where our treasures are stored up anyway, right?


Heaven=Jesus for an Eternity. Sounds pretty awesome to me!

That Dark September Night

Ok, so I wrote this song for Virginia, my friend who died in the car accident in September.
It's not great, so don't expect much. But I wanted to share it with y'all.

That Dark September Night

You were always the one with a smile on your face
You were the one who could brighten up my day
There was something special about you, everyone could see it
But now I'm getting the phonecall telling me it's all over

*Chorus*
Now ever since that dark September night
I've had these scars on my heart
Now that you're gone I don't know what to do
Crying myself to sleep and lying awake all those late nights
Thinking about everything I lost on that dark September night

Walking and waiting for you to come around
Knowing this is really the end of life as I knew it to be
Knowing I'll see you again someday

*Chorus*

Sometimes I still ask myself why
Why me, why you, why did you have to go this way?
So many things left unsaid, so many questions left unanswered
Sometimes I feel as if I'm drowning in my sorrow
Where did this all go wrong?

*Chorus*

I miss you so much, feeling like something's not right
Still screaming out why, missing everything you used to be
And whenever the eighteenth comes around I have to stop and think
About everything the world lost on that dark September night

*Chorus*

You were the perfect example of what a life should look like
You radiated everything that I wished I could be
You shone with the love of Christ all around you
And you're love for others could just brighten a room

*Chorus*
And whenever the eighteenth comes around I have to stop and think
About everything I lost on that dark September night

And the Bride Wore White

Right now, I am going through a Bible study with some friends.  We are going through the book And the Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh and in this book, it talks about steps to physical and emotional purity. Let me share something I have learned from this book.

First off, when reading this book, Dannah has parts of the books where she has you stop and write prayers to God. I love doing this, which is one reason I love this book. In the first chapter, Dannah says something very interesting. She says, "I think that even Satan, like Adam and Eve, knew nothing of what death meant." I found this statement to be really profound. Let's think about it a second.

Satan tempted Adam and Eve in the garden. Adam and Eve were told by God that they were not to eat from the tree in the center of the garden because they would die.  Now, God did not mean immediate death.  But he did mean physical death. There would be aging, where before, we were to live eternally in fellowship with the Father.  What Adam and Eve failed to realize is that God isn't holding anything great from us! We had everything our hearts could have desired and they threw it down the drain because we became wise in our own eyes.  They didn't fully understand the consequences of what their sin would be-- separation from the Father and a life of pain. 

And the Bride Wore White is written for girls.  The book explains how to pursue purity and why.  Christ is pure, Christ is perfect.  1 John 2:6 says, "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."  We are called to be like Christ, and therefore should strive to be pure.  We must try to walk and live our lives in a way to glorify our Heavenly Father, even if that means losing some friendships.  Sometimes doing the right thing requires sacrifice.  It's hard to do, but it's so so worth it.

Ok, well that's all I have. I hope you were encouraged by this...and if not, then I hope that maybe you at least enjoyed it.

Looking To Heaven

So I'm not sure why I decided to start a blog.

I'm really not.

But while I'm here, I guess I can tell you what's on my mind... Heaven.

I went to a DNow weekend youth conference this past weekend and in one of the talks, our speaker, Scott, was talking about heaven.  He was telling us that if we do not think about, long for, or want to have a taste of heaven, then we have stored our treasures in the wrong place.  Well, I have been thinking. I DO yearn for heaven.  Who wouldn't want to leave this disgusting and spinning mud ball behind and go to spend an eternity in the glory of God, right?  Well, then I thought about something else.  Back in September, I had a friend die in a car accident.  I know that she is in heaven, delighting in her Savior and giving her Savior delight. I know that. So then it made me think. Do I yearn for heaven more now than I did before my friend died because I want to see her?

This is something I had to be in prayer about and I have come to this conclusion: no. I don't long for heaven to see Virginia. I long for heaven because I'm tired of the filth, pain, and suffering of this world.  But heaven would allow me to see Virginia once more.

So, heaven. How cool is that? Just think about Heaven for a minute. Revelation 21:4 says, "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."  Now does that sound awesome or what? On earth, we come across a lot of people who are concerned about their appearance.  They are concerned that their bodies aren't "perfect" enough.  In heaven, we will be perfectly beautiful for an ETERNITY. Perfect as our bodies were created to be. Isn't that something to yearn for? I certainly think so.